Dinners Alone

Not the best photography. I didn’t realize my possibility of ever making my own food.

When my ex boyfriend left I was mostly panicked at my ability to survive alone. I have bad pain flare ups, can’t always do things that I was ale to do just the other day…

And, being alone has shown me that I am capable of doing & being a lot more than I ever thought possible.

Which is the wildest possible outcome of a breakup. I still hurt and deal with pain. My chronic illness didn’t evaporate with the relationship… as much as I had hoped and prayed it would.

These past two months have been the worse I’ve dealt with. Financially and emotionally that wasn’t medical related. I have realized that I was living majority of my life in fear of the pain… so much so that I just stopped ….existing.

They say that you should go through the mourning cycle with chronic illness. I thought I processed it and had worked through all the steps. Five ? Six? Seven? Years it took a breakup for me to see …I should have realized and known I wasn’t fully processing my situation.

My breakup was caused because my ex fell in love with someone else. I can’t change that at all but I am seeing more and more that this breakup was the best thing to happen to me.

Definitely was not the best thing for me financially as he left while I was unemployed.

But I have the help of my fantastic kickass sister who gets shit done

Like I have got to figure out an amazing gift for her when everything stabilizes.

It’s a very small accomplishment but I a making dinners, feeding myself and the overall simplicity of keeping myself alive.

Turns out I could do it. I can do this.

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